Can't Sleep

so i totally didnt post that last one at 952 pm. what time zone does this thing operate out of? hawaii?

i cant sleep b/c this whole "real" world thing that happens after you graduate is a bit scary. now i was part of a piece of it for about eight months and it wasnt terrible, but i also knew i wasnt going to be in it all that long. now looking ahead to may is frightening, especially with the way the whole job situation is looking for everyone. and the only positions hiring are for directors, managers, etc with eight million years of experience. where are the people who are going to give me that experience??? if anyone knows where those people are let me know. and plus looking ahead at the semester left in front of me isnt a walk in the park either. fifteen hours, a thesis, an extra project as part of my assistantship (which i am excited to work on b/c i get to play on cad and it will be a really cool thing to work on, but just a lot to add during thesis semester) and....one of those classes is cultural landscapes, which will become the bane of my existence. i like trees and bushes and flowers. they are pretty. but i am not really stoked about how they are arranged or planted or how they were planted in 1824. let me take a lab class instead where i will create a cohesive project that will be useful to me. im not going into landscapes and some may say well one day maybe you will like it, well when that day comes i will go to barnes and noble and read up on it. but for now no thank you. dont punish me for being a guinea pig year. ugh. frustration. sighs. grunts.

enough of venting. for now. trust me there will be much venting due to the tree class.

this guy drove down radcliffe today in a tiny blue car that he had equipped with like a system where he talks in the car and it is really loud like the cops have. now he may have looked an ounce of cool had he not been by himself, slightly potato shaped, and not in a clown car. it makes me wonder what possessed this guy to just decide to a) put that system in his car and then b) drive around charleston talking on it. to make it better, he didnt say works, but rather just yelled unintelligible words. but then again maybe this guy has the answers and all the confidence in the world. i should have got his tag number and traced him. he may be an oracle.

it was 71 here today. tomorrow it will be 78. im not complaining but it was just so weird to be wearing sandals on december 16 and to be hot. like wishing i was in shorts. very odd.

i still dont think i know what i want to do with my life. is that bad? shouldnt i know by now. i mean almost eightenn years of school under my belt and not entirely sure if i have done all the right stuff. i know i still dont want to be a doctor. that was my er phase and well i stopped watching the show when dr. green died so that dream died a while ago. forensic anthropology was fun until i realized the one class got me my fill. although i do miss identifying bones. too bad you cant just run around telling people which bone is which and then they give you a gold star and some money. that would be the perfect career. and now theres historic preservation. i enjoy it no doubt but when someone asks me what i am interested in doing or what am i going to do with it, i have no idea. i find that may be problematic. i know what i like but the likelihood of me going out there and saying i really love historic hardware; can i have a job in that? is low. oh woe is me. ive thought about being a professor but to get a decent paying professor job i would need a phd and well im a little burned out on school (which will likely only last a year and i will want to go back again, but will likely resist unless i win the lottery). i could see myself teaching. maybe. maybe i should be a photographer. or a maid. or a amateur chef. or a professional eater. i guess the jury is still out. one day, hopefully, i will know what i want to be when i grow up. i think i am going to create a new career of professional learner. just go to school forever. for-eva (in the voice of squints from sandlot)

ive got to waste some time on the internet now to tire my eyes...

--Whenever he sat in the swingset it got tangled up. He said it was demons in the steel that were drawn to the sweat & sorrow of the steelworkers across the generations. Plastic doesn't have those sorts of problems yet, he said.--